Whose babies are these anyway? (4)

Read 1, 2 and 3 here if haven’t already.

Its rare occassions like these were i get to have off days, and by off i mean off from watching the kids. I love spending time with the twins but i am a man, sometimes i feel like i am not designed to sit at home with the babies all day waiting for my wife to bring home the bacon.

Today the wife has an offday and i am out with the boys because its a weekend and only then can they hangout during the day. I hate being a stay at home dad to be honest, my mother thinks its weird that i let my wife wear the pants like i had a choice. I cannot secure a job in this income and so my wife has to work very hard but boy the dillema of living with an breadwinning woman #sigh. She respected me at first, she understood and supported my decision but i cannot help but feel like she looks at me as if i am useless man. She is starting to sound more and more disrespectful, i want to earn her admiration back again, i want her to look at me with awe like she used to.

 What do i bring to the table besides….i chuckle. This is what got me into the whole Hazel situation, i just needed a break. I just needed to feel like a man, i just needed to remind myself that i can still get the respect deserved. The whole babysitting thing was circumstantial, i didn’t plan on it. I just wanted to feel needed and boy is she needy. My phone has been buzzing none stop and i know for certain thats her even though i just saw her, one would think she has her hands full what with all that education she is receiving. I need to stop it with her, i love my wife and i love my family i wouldn’t want to jeopardise that for these whores. Maybe i should text her and tell her that i want out, or should i drive over there and tell her in person? Texting is more appropriate, i think and while i am at it go home and spend time with my family it has been damn too long.

HAZEL: YOU ARE NOT COMING TO SEE ME TODAY? I MISS YOU

Not now, Satan.

HAZEL: OH NEVER MIND, MY TETE IS COMING TO KEEP ME COMPANY. WHAT DO YOU THINK I SHOULD WEAR I HAVE A WARDROBE CRISIS.

I don’t give a hoot what you wear. What’s this chic on?

HAZEL: I DECIDED TO WEAR A SKIRT, JUST SO YOU KNOW I AM NOT WEARING ANY UNDERWEAR SO I ADVICE YOU TO COME OVER WHEN SHE HAS LEFT. I WILL TEXT YOU. XO-XO

Typical attention seeking syndrome, i am turned on but i am going home to my wife!

Tanya: If you think that college kid can do a better job as a wife, as a mother  then i am not going to stand in your way Jonathan but be rest assured i won’t be here to watch you make a fool of everything I have built. I am done, do not look for me.

Wait, what??

HAZEL: YOU FUCKING PIG, PICK UP YOUR PHONE. YOUR WIFE, MAY GOD REST HER SOUL, LEFT THE BABIES HERE AND JUST DISAPPEARED, COME AND TAKE YOUR FUCKING KIDS BEFORE I THROW THEM IN THE TRASH CAN WERE YAL BELONG!!
Shit. I drive blindly towards her campus with a million thoughts swimming in my head. How? What? Were? When i cannot even begin to comprehend it. Hazel’s phone is unreachable and if it is true that she dumped the kids at Hazel’s hostel then what now? How did she find out? Her aunt is my wife? I am so confused, women are confusing. What if i lose my wife because of this self-validation nonsense then what? This is some deep shit i am in, but whatever happens i am going to collect my kids from Hazel and go home with them and figure it out from there.

Tanya’s phone is still unreachable, whst if she has done something stupid like kill herself? Oh My God what have i done??

Whose babies are these anyway? (3)

Read  Whose babies are these anyway? (1) and Whose babies are these anyway? (2) here.

I have been sipping on this dry red since lunch while listening to Hazel talk about Mr Man non stop. It is the last day of the semester before going home for vacation and we are drowning in wine. The man has her twisted i can’t even begin to decipher it. Oh wow, now she is talking about the twins you would swear she was their birth mother. I would call her out but at this moment i am enjoying this Le Dome red  which he brought for her so i have to keep tight lipped.

I notice she is silent for a while, oh thank God i though i was going to have to pass out before she shuts it. Concentrating on her phone she is, with a huge grin on her face. She is probably chatting with Jonathan about their future life and perfect babies. She looks so happy i am going to puke in my mouth and swallow it. This could be me but i wouldn’t opt for a babied up guy. I am so not a baby person, i do not have experience no one in my family has had babies yet and i just don’t give a baby aura. She kicks her legs in the air and suddenly screams excitedly. Wow, the effects of this Pinot Noir are just amazing.

“Remember when i told you marriage would connect soon? It seems i wasn’t entirely wrong. His sister just texted me and says she wants to meet me.”

“You already talk to your Aunty? Wow i am speechless, did you not meet this guy like a month ago?”

“Yea, so? Anyway no, she just hit me up on Facebook introduced herself now we are chatting on Whatsapp now she wants to meet. She even called me uMakoti and now she is on her way over.”

“Here? In this university hostel? ”

She nods and goes on to ask me not to leave as she is nervous prior to this meeting. Oh okay, the sipping continues as she sifts through her closet looking for something appropriate to wear. If i roll my eyes one more time i swear they are going to sink. She is fussing about the room when we hear a tiny knock on the door, Hazel freezes as i stride to the door.

I open the door to a curvy thick woman dark woman with an ass for days and she pushes the stroller inside. Oh wow, she brought the twins must have been having a tough time baby sitting. She walks gracefully towards Hazel and extends her hands in greeting before sitting down. She is beautiful, i would guess her age is in the very late 20s and she looks good af. She also smells so nice, her nails are to die for, she nailed her cold shoulder look and her red ankle strap heels just complete the look. I think i may have a crush on her.

“Caroline?”

I suddenly come out of oblivion embarrassed that i have been staring at her since she came.I look at Hazel as she repeats the introductions

” Caroline, this is Jonathan’s sister Tanya and Tanya this is my best friend Caroline.”

She smiles, i can’t help but notice that it does not reach her eyes and she turns to look at me and says,

“I hear you have been helping taking care of the twins.”

“Haa tinochengeta vana Tete.” I answer too eagerly, happy to please after all if Hazel is happy then so am i.

Why is she talking to me though? Does she also have a girl crush on me? Hazel jumps in all kinds of excited giving details of how she now knows how to differentiate between the two, how she could decipher their crirs and what they need and everything baby related. I continue to sip alone, as Hazel stopped drinking and this Aunty has politely declined saying she has to drive after. I am happy to sip alone and zone out while they talk babies tbh i just wanna look at her face all day.

She stands up slowly and pushed the stroller to my direction, walks towards the door and calmly says to Hazel,

“YOU THINK YOU CAN TAKE CARE OF MY CHILDREN BETTER THAN ME THEN BE MY GUEST BITCH. HERE THEY ARE, YOU CAN TAKE THEM, YOU CAN TAKE THAT UNEMPLOYED SON OF A BITCH TOO FOR ALL I CARE. YOU BUY THEM BOTTLED MILK WITH MY MONEY THAT HE GIVES YOU AND YOU THINK THAT ENABLES YOU TO BE A PARENT? WELL YOU CAN HAVE IT ALL, I AM DONE.”

Plot twist! She bangs the door on her way out, i look at the suddenly wailing twins and back to the door and i laugh. No amount of red wine could ready me up for this. Hazel is freaking out trying to call Tanya’s name in the hostel corridor and she seems to have disappeared into thin air. I am laughing so hard at this situation i am in shock, the twins are crying and now so is Hazel. I did not see this one coming, not today of all the days we are supposed to be going home tomorrow for crying out loud.

I calm her down, as i try to text Tanya on Hazel’s phone pleading her to come and take her children only to find out she has been blocked . Why won’t the babies stop crying? I quickly dial Jonathan and his number is unreachable. Oh Lord what must happen now?

Whose babies are these anyway? (2)

You can read whose babies are these anyway 1 here!

I am pissed.

What do men want really? I cook, i clean, i wash, i take care of my babies and on top of that i work my ass off to feed my family because my husband is unemployed. I am unable to produce sufficient breast milk for the twins so i have to give them formula. During the day i leave then in care of Jonathan, or so i thought. I recently discovered that he takes them to his college girlfriend to babysit while doing God knows what.

What pisses me off the most is that i am doing the best i can to keep a plate on our table, i feed my family , i take care of the bills and instead of him being grateful not only does he drive around with this girl in the car that i bought it, he exposes my kids to this girl? They are young yes but shouldn’t he be ashamed of his actions? According to my young cousin who learns at this college this girl is the one who is buying all the formula and the diapers i have been praising Jonathan for buying. Does she think i am incapable of taking care of my own children? What does he tell her about me, i wonder? That i am a useless bitch who doesn’t know how to take care of her own family? That he is single? But that does not explain the fresh babies he drives around with. Most men lie that they are separated from their wives but is she dumb enough to just be believing a man without doing proper research? She looks like she is smart, oh yes i have seen her photos on Facebook. I know how she looks like, i know she is doing some fancy degree and i know were she stays i have done my proper research.

I am pissed because now i am starting to feel like i am not good enough. I am beautiful, i own a small successful cosmetic business, i have given him beautiful twins. I am solely responsible for the developments of this family and until now i did not see anything wrong with our arrangement. I did not force him to be a stay at home dad, he offered since he was unable to secure a job anyway. Did i emasculate him? No, we are a team everything i own he owns as well. But i can’t help feeling like i did something wrong even though i know i haven’t done so. I am tired. I am drained mentally ever since my cousin told me about it last week i have thought of nothing but how did i come into this situation.

I am pissed because yes i know men cheat but never had i thought that mine would too. I am pissed because i do not know how i can even begin to confront him and even if i did how would the outcome benefit anyone? If he admits to it then what? Do i just forgive him and hope he will leave her or do i leave him and raise the handful as a single mom? Which lets face it i am not ready to do, i am ashamed the church people have a certain way of looking at single women filthy as if i was unable to keep a husband.If he denies i won’t believe him because i have seen the picture the bimbo posted on Facebook with my twins on it captioned “my babies” bitter laugh. Your babies huh, she thinks she knows how to take care of children just by babysitting for a few hours? Does she know how i had to stay in and out of the hospitals when they were sick, how i was told having babies was a risk with the way my health is set up but i went and had them anyway and she claims them as hers. You know what? Fuck society, fuck it all, fuck everything this bitch wants it all huh?

I know what i must do!

“Do you believe in love?”

“Do you believe in love?” He asked me.

Do i? Why is he even asking this? Is this one of those leading questions that lead to i am single and you are single so lets just? Because if thats the case no thank you. Or maybe its a simple question just for conversation’s sake. Yea i believe in love actually, because of Ave. She is the most loving person i know, i almost envy her. Almost. This makes me think about that day at the airport, the tears she shed for Muku when he came to bid her farewell. You would think she is going forever but oh well. She kept obsessing about how she already missed him all the way to Bombay. The first week was painful to watch, they would spend each and every free minute of theirs texting, chatting and whatsapp calling with each other it was soo annoying and sweet. “Oh God i miss him and i love him.” Then this one time she happened to want directions to the Western Union she met Patel, a nice handsome Indian fellow who happened to take it upon himself to see her there. A dinner date later and a movie something seemed to be sparking between them. She would obsess about arranged marriages and what would happen if his mother arranged someone else for him, an indian girl, yet she loved him…

Wow

Wonderful.

Fantastic.

She was fighting this lost cause when she met her next prey about two weeks later. Yes a chocolate brother this time, not necessarily Zimbabwean. Rwandese he was, fine guy fine anyhow!! Edible. Hookahs were passed, numbers were exchanged and flirting was experienced. One or two dates later chikitsi was given as a token of appreciation and to appease the gods for making such a mouth watering person. He said he didnt want to be fuckbuddies only, he was ready for a relationship not games. What girl doesnt want to hear that? She bought whatever he was selling, hung on to everything he was saying and even moved into the same apartment building as him only 3 floors lower for control. He kept making excuses from seiing her because he was “studying”. Mmhh. Ave kept on making excuses for him until one day a friend mentioned in passing how he has got a girl and what note. “How could he do this to me, i love him.” It barely has been a week but…. like i said she is the most loving person i know. How can i not believe in love with the likes of Ave roaming in my life? She is the ultimate lover of all mankind, ready to scatter her love everywere and to sow…

“Tatenda?” He jolts me back to reality. “I asked you if you believe in love.”

Lol i can’t believe i been so gone all this while, lol how can i be so caught up in my mind that i forget i am speaking to someone. I must stop smoking God’s plants please. He must think that i am….here i go again.

I snap out of it, “Yes, ofcourse i do. Its just not for me. Not now anyway.”I smile and take another pull, this is the plant that the Lord has made, i will rejoice and be glad in it.

Whose babies are these anyway? (1)

Nan

Huggies diapers

Johnson’s baby oil

Baby wipes

I look at my trolley and i laugh. This is ridicilous, i am walking around with a basket full of baby products and for what? For mans. I laugh again.

One fine bros is looking at me hawkingly across the aisle, i think of going to talk to him but think against it. Focus, i tell myself, you need to act your part now. I quickly pay and leave Pick n’ Pay. 

“Excuse me,” Someone yells behind me, “Excuse me ma’am.” I turn back and i see that man from the aisle running towards me. What now? These men and their thirst. Maam, huh? He probably can tell that i am young, he probably assumed that since i am here alone i am a single mother or something and is looking for an easy lay. I am already irritated.

“Sorry to disturb you but i could not help but notice you are double buying, how old are your twins?”

Oho mans coming in with the baby angle, nice try my guy.

“One and a half months.” 

“I do not mean to pry but you are aware that you have to exclusively breastfeed your child for 6 months before administering anything else that also goes for bottled milk, water, solid foods etc right? My name is Mark by the way, and i have pamphlets here on post and peri natal care that i would like you to have.” 

By God! I swear this guy is looking for it, i am late for my lecture and now this clown is in my face talking to me about breastfeeding. Do i look like i breastfeed? Were is this man parked anyhow? Everyone is trying me today.

“No i wasn’t aware, but thank you. Now goodbye.”

He does not move yet he can see i am irritable, men can be annoying please.

“I am sorry if i have offended you ma’am its just that you seem really smart such that you know the advantages of breastfeeding so i am wondering what prohibits you from breastfeeding your own children?”

I seem smart? This man is asking for it please. Yes Sherlock i am in my third year of LLB i guess that qualifies as smart. Also whats with your obsession with breast feeding? Shit, i am going to be late to class again!

I walk away from the breast obsessed man. I find mr Man parked at the end of the parking lot asking me what took me so long. I roll my eyes and just mumble something as we leave i catch a glimpse of mr breastfeeding oga still standing were i left him. He is probably right, if these were my babies i would probably breastfeed them but they are not. Their mother died in labour and now i have to help around mr Man with baby shopping and watching them at the hostel while he is in meetings. My friends think it is a bizzare situation and if my parents ever find out they would probably murder me to death but I love him. I want to him to see the wife material in me so i have to love them babies of his, they are adorable and little so its such an easy task. Maybe if he sees how i love his offspring he will marry me soon after graduation then i can have more babies for him. This is like a trial run, my life will connect very soon.

I smile :).