Bridesmaid Chronicles (1)

“Dai pasina  Tendai wedu wainoroorwa gudo remugomo, mugomo here mugomo here”

The crowd kept on chanting as Chipo’s lobola negotiations had been finalised. Chipo could not hold her smile anymore, she was finally Mrs Mufambi.We gathered around to celebrate with her, had put a ring on it.

Beep beep!!! I look at my Whatsapp messages

Chipo created group “Chips Bridesmaids”

Chipo added Christine

Chipo added Paida

Chipo added Cynthia

Chipo added Andile

Chipo : Welcome ladies ,at long last . Bridal dance rehersals are starting tomorrow

Christine : It’s a wedding

Andile : Pfee  finally

Me: Hello Beautiful Bride to Be

Cynthia : Paida we have waited for this from the beginning of time. See you tomorrow hunies.

I quickly glance at the time,I should probably go help the aunties serve our inlaws some food. I walk towards the cooking area but for some reason  i just feel that someone is looking at me.“Ndiani aronga kudai ndi Mwari vakanaka ,ndiani aronga  kudai ndiMwari vakanaka”, the aunties sing as they dish out food and they give me a tray to take to our  vakwasha.As I walk towards our vakwasha I reflect on how our friendship had began with Chipo, we had met at varsity and had been inseparable ever since,friends are like diamonds rare to find and Chipo was one such friend.Chipo was highly temperamental,loving nonetheless and had a weakness for tall men.

I kneel in front of the vakwasha  and our eyes meet with him .Yes him, I knew it was him who had been staring at me as I walked to the cooking area. Oh my where to begin!! Chocolate brown skin, deep voice and above all  tall that is Tendai for you. Tendai  was yummy yummy and every time I would see him with Chipo,my tummy would be in knots.

Ok snap! Back to reality come on Paida.I gently put the tray on the table and help the guys wash their hands.

“I did it Paida, your friend must be ectastic,” Tendai remarked.

His boys all join in to share their sentiments about the lobola negotiations but all I can hear is Tendai’s voice .He did it what? He is proud of himself for finally tying the knot, if only he knew.I smile politely and mumble some congratulatory message. I quickly need to go away and change my knickers,Tendai still has the same effect on me as during our varsity years.

“Boys catch you later .Will come collect the tray soon”, I remark as I stand up to leave

Beep Beep

I look at my phone

Ten: I love the look.That headwrap suits you.

xoxo

I look at him and shake my heard.

Story by:

Melody Chingwaru

Tatenda Diura

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I don’t know what i want to write

I want to write. Today i wanted to write, well that was my main aim anyway but i literally had nothing to write about. I am totally blank. Empty vessel i would like to call myself moving forward. I would love to attribute all of this to writer's block but issa lot, its more than that. I realise that i am simply unable to get my creative juice flowing if i am happy, i have to be sad or angry or depressed for me write something decent. How is that life? For me to be a creative i have to be in a dark place? How is that life??? I have noticed that is the case with my painting too, i never pull out my paint box if all is well in my world. In fact i don't think i have painted at all this year and the number of blogs i have published and the quality is bleh.

Is it because i mostly write true stories?

Should i focus mostly on creating sad fiction maybe?

Would that work?

How do i become a happy creative?

Why are my imaginary friends refusing to talk to me?

How do i channel dark me to be productive?

Were do i draw inspiration from?

HELP ME!!!!!!!

Forgive me Father, for i have sinned. 

Forgive me Father, for i have sinned…

That is all i could say. That is all i managed to pray. Forgiveness. Did i deserve it? I wondered….

I had arrived early at church, with my man in hand ofcourse. You know what they say about couples who pray together and what note. This was our routine every sunday we would visit mass at 1830 followed by a dinner date and whatever else tickles our fancy.

Today was one of those days, mass and an early dinner because of exams, what could go wrong?

We settled on our usual place, last bench on the left aisle him on my left side, i on his right. Then went out to shuffle the hymn books to look for English text. I felt a tap on my neck, nigga better not be playing with my pressure points in this holy church i turn around and face HIM. Oh wow, not the him i was expecting. Another him. A him i shouldn't be bumping into in our lady of the rosary Church! I realise he is waiting for me to wave back, and i do so awkwardly. He walks away to find somewhere to sit. I face my man to see if he sensed the sexual tension that reeked in our brief exchange with HIM (lets call him D) but he gives nothing away.

Phew.

My mind cannot help but go there.  I look at HIM, or rather his backview as he decided to sit 6 benches in front of us. I now have, not one but two men who have seen me naked in this holy catholic church. As if praying besides someone i plan to sin with later is not shameful enough for my conscience. Wow i am a sinner. 

We shouldn't be in the same church considering the ridiculous amount of coitus we have had, i miss squeezing his butt.  He is not handsome like my man next to me but there is something about a man who has nothing to offer except dick. I am in church, i shouldn't be having such ungodly thoughts. Its been a long while since we stopped, to my surprise we are somewhat friends now we can sit and talk, laugh, even give each other relationship advice but it never crossed my mind that we would bump into each other in this church.

The priest enters.

Priest: In the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit. 

Now i can focus on something else other that my sinfullness.

Priest: Brothers and sisters, let us acknowledge our sins, and so prepare ourselves to celebrate the sacred mysteries.

Me, sincerely:

 I confess to almighty God and to you, my brothers and sisters, that I have greatly sinned, in my thoughts and in my words, in what I have done and in what I have failed to do, through my fault, through my fault,through my most grievous fault; therefore I ask blessed Mary ever-Virgin, all the Angels and Saints, and you, my brothers and sisters, to pray for me to the Lord our God.

I feel slightly better. He is a God of forgiveness after all. Lord have mercy, glory, liturgy of the word and i have regained my sanity just before the first reading. Late comers start trickling in.

Enter Collins.

At this time i am shook, i actually laugh out loud. What is the universe trying to tell me? That i am a ho? Okay okay i get it. As luck would have it he chooses to sit right in front of me where i can see him. I look at my man besides me, oblivious of the comedy that is going on he is focused on the word. He looks back at me and squeezes my hand, i kind of needed that. Collins is the guy i dated before my man here, while i was sleeping with HIM. I did not engage in sexual relations with Collins as i was already getting it elsewere so i claimed i was celibate for the first two months or so then i started being actually celibate and he got fed up of waiting and he said he needed a break. I said okay. And yet here i was, in less than two months obviously cosying up with another man reeking of sexual nourishment. 

What a mess.

When i come to, it is almost time for communion. While giving each other the sign of peace Collins winks at me, i hope the boyfriend did not see that. In an unrelated matter Collins has such a gorgeous smile, one that would melt a witch's coochie. I say out the prayer as genuinely as i can, i truly mean it:

Lord, i am not worthy to receive you but only say the word and my soul shall be healed.

I go and receive communion nonetheless after all this is the chalice of his blood, the blood of the new and everlasting covenant which was poured out for me and for many for the forgiveness of sins. As i walk back from receiving the body of christ i bump into HIM as he is coming also from the alter, i avoid all eye contact as i am at the brink of bursting out in laughter at this ridiculousity that i call my life.

The rest of the mass goes by so fast i am too shook to ask Mary who is full of grace to even pray for me now. And when all is over i walk towards the door, dip my finger in holy water and all i can think of is:

Forgive me father, for i have sinned.

The person i like and why i like them? 🙄

I think this challenge is really trying me tbh. I do happen to like someone, oh yes i do. As an African i have been told not to speak about things prematurely or they will be jinxed but fuck it let me give you the tea ☕️

There is a certain somebody i like, like really like. I mean i usually run home in these kind of situations but guess who is a little brave now? Yours truly. The person i like is tall, oh yes i am into tall drinks of water. With one of those not-so-athletic but also not-so-chubby bodies. With a dash of romantic and a smile to die for. The person i like seems to like me too. The person i like is attentive to detail, can tell whats what before being told. The person i like seems to understand the art of communication. This human also seems to understand the importance of a phone call in the midst of social media. How so precious 🤗. 

This person is definately my next heartbreak and i really dont mind.

What i wear to bed…

Yoh this challenge is playing me 🤔.


I wear my fears

I wear my coulda woulda shouldas

I wear my regrets

I wear the replays of my day

I wear my grace

I wear my archievements

I wear my growth

I wear my procastination

I wear my aspirations

I wear my dreams

I kid, i am being fake deep

I wear nothing

Absolutely nothing

Because if i go to sleep clothed

I always dream that i am a slave

Bound to this vain earth

Like something is holding me back

There i go again being fake deep

I wear nothing

I wear my nakedness

Just because.

The kind of person that attracts me

This is a tough one tbh because i don’t consider myself to have a certain type you see but for the sake of this challenge let me try. 

I am attracted by men who like to play coy and hard to get ( which is code for he is not that into you) but still me being me i am thrilled by the chase. I don’t mind chasing till the mission is completed, it ends disastrously most times for me though but that hasn’t stoped me.

Good looks. Oh yes i like handsome men because i am not trying to take pictures with someone with an assface. Show me something handsome, tall, dark and i am all over that!

I also like attentive men, yes i love attention (you guessed that right), i like someone who knows what i like without being told, someone who knows what pisses me off, someone who doesn’t bluetick me for too long 😂. Yes i love attentive men but not too much attention though. Too much attention annoys me like boy don’t you have a life? Can’t be texting me non stop asking me silly things like who are with and have you eaten hawu too much of everything is never good. 

I am down for a guy who shows me they are into me, actions speak louder than words. You do not have to annoy me with big words like “i love you” if you are not going to back all that talk up by showing me. Those coy mind and guessing games can miss me, i am a grown woman. Its either you into me or fuck you

I like men who have the potential to cheat but wouldnt i mean i am not trying to be with someone who is  attractive to me only! Be attractive to everyone damnit!

I am also into people who know how to kiss. Bad kissers are a turnoff a major turnoff, slow down do not drown me in your saliva abeg 😩😩

Most important of all i am attracted to someone who takes me as i am (pros and cons). If you are trying to govern me or change me i will advice you to try creating your own human and breathing air into them then do as you deem fit with them. Take me as i am or leave.

I kid. I am attracted to anyone who is attracted to me. I am down for whoever is down for me.