I don’t know what i want to write

I want to write. Today i wanted to write, well that was my main aim anyway but i literally had nothing to write about. I am totally blank. Empty vessel i would like to call myself moving forward. I would love to attribute all of this to writer's block but issa lot, its more than that. I realise that i am simply unable to get my creative juice flowing if i am happy, i have to be sad or angry or depressed for me write something decent. How is that life? For me to be a creative i have to be in a dark place? How is that life??? I have noticed that is the case with my painting too, i never pull out my paint box if all is well in my world. In fact i don't think i have painted at all this year and the number of blogs i have published and the quality is bleh.

Is it because i mostly write true stories?

Should i focus mostly on creating sad fiction maybe?

Would that work?

How do i become a happy creative?

Why are my imaginary friends refusing to talk to me?

How do i channel dark me to be productive?

Were do i draw inspiration from?

HELP ME!!!!!!!

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The person i like and why i like them? 🙄

I think this challenge is really trying me tbh. I do happen to like someone, oh yes i do. As an African i have been told not to speak about things prematurely or they will be jinxed but fuck it let me give you the tea ☕️

There is a certain somebody i like, like really like. I mean i usually run home in these kind of situations but guess who is a little brave now? Yours truly. The person i like is tall, oh yes i am into tall drinks of water. With one of those not-so-athletic but also not-so-chubby bodies. With a dash of romantic and a smile to die for. The person i like seems to like me too. The person i like is attentive to detail, can tell whats what before being told. The person i like seems to understand the art of communication. This human also seems to understand the importance of a phone call in the midst of social media. How so precious 🤗. 

This person is definately my next heartbreak and i really dont mind.

What i wear to bed…

Yoh this challenge is playing me 🤔.


I wear my fears

I wear my coulda woulda shouldas

I wear my regrets

I wear the replays of my day

I wear my grace

I wear my archievements

I wear my growth

I wear my procastination

I wear my aspirations

I wear my dreams

I kid, i am being fake deep

I wear nothing

Absolutely nothing

Because if i go to sleep clothed

I always dream that i am a slave

Bound to this vain earth

Like something is holding me back

There i go again being fake deep

I wear nothing

I wear my nakedness

Just because.

The kind of person that attracts me

This is a tough one tbh because i don’t consider myself to have a certain type you see but for the sake of this challenge let me try. 

I am attracted by men who like to play coy and hard to get ( which is code for he is not that into you) but still me being me i am thrilled by the chase. I don’t mind chasing till the mission is completed, it ends disastrously most times for me though but that hasn’t stoped me.

Good looks. Oh yes i like handsome men because i am not trying to take pictures with someone with an assface. Show me something handsome, tall, dark and i am all over that!

I also like attentive men, yes i love attention (you guessed that right), i like someone who knows what i like without being told, someone who knows what pisses me off, someone who doesn’t bluetick me for too long 😂. Yes i love attentive men but not too much attention though. Too much attention annoys me like boy don’t you have a life? Can’t be texting me non stop asking me silly things like who are with and have you eaten hawu too much of everything is never good. 

I am down for a guy who shows me they are into me, actions speak louder than words. You do not have to annoy me with big words like “i love you” if you are not going to back all that talk up by showing me. Those coy mind and guessing games can miss me, i am a grown woman. Its either you into me or fuck you

I like men who have the potential to cheat but wouldnt i mean i am not trying to be with someone who is  attractive to me only! Be attractive to everyone damnit!

I am also into people who know how to kiss. Bad kissers are a turnoff a major turnoff, slow down do not drown me in your saliva abeg 😩😩

Most important of all i am attracted to someone who takes me as i am (pros and cons). If you are trying to govern me or change me i will advice you to try creating your own human and breathing air into them then do as you deem fit with them. Take me as i am or leave.

I kid. I am attracted to anyone who is attracted to me. I am down for whoever is down for me.

How i have changed in the past two years…

Before you proceed you might want to check this out …

Change. I have to admit i am one of those people who are really scared of it. I like to think of myself as spontaneous and all that but it is usually within my reach, i don’t do well with drastic change. I like routine, i like knowing exactly what is happening and i like things to stay put. Looking back two years ago (powered by this post) i realise that i have gone through a whole lot of changes than i cared to notice. 2015 was another life man you have no idea, let me break down the changes for you:

2015 was my year of alcohol, i drank, all i did was drank. I drank it all. I went out with my friends, i travelled around my country. I was working at that time and my salary was just for alcohol, travel and food. Those were good times. Now, i rarely drink and its probably because i moved to India in dry state were you can’t just walk up to a shop and buy alcohol. There are no clubs (in this state) therefore we buy alcohol and just do drink ups at home or in the car and what’s the fun in that huh? 2017 i have labelled as the year of fitness. As we know alcohol and fitness are not the best of friends so we drink in moderation. Oh also i think i have droped 20kgs from the 2015 me yea b snatch that im all kinds of yummy now. Literally a snack 😂🙈

Another change i have undergone is i am celibate now. Those who know me know that i am a very sexually liberal person and i am not shy with details. But somehow this year i found myself being more stingy with myself (ndega ndonaka). I just find it hard for me to give away the most part of myself to just anyone njee not that that is what i used to do. See, i am a one flavour kind of girl if you are my chocolate chip ima chow you into oblivion, you wont ever see me in the strawberry aisle. Its hard to jump from one partner to the other after falling out so i decided to date without the sex. Oh yes you guessed it niggas are so not down for that, so thats probably it im the fine line between celibacy and drought. Oh i have also noticed that if i haven’t done the deed i move on faster than the flash. Issa bonus. In 2015 i was in a “serious”relationship 😊….

In 2015 i was at a dead end job, a british claims call centre, with no idea what my next step was. I barely thought about it. I was content, probably because i was grateful to actually have a job at all. However i am happy to report that 2017 sees me a focused young woman pursing a public health career praise God halleluyah.

2017 has seen me getting real close with my mom, back then i would forget to text her. But with the distance between us the heart has grown fonder. I see her clearly now, she is made from nothing but pure gold 😍

My hair has gone through changes as well, i now keep my hair natural no weaves no braids no dreadlocks just my uncombed blonde hair. Whoever lied to me than i can rock any hairstyle and still queen did yall a disservice.

That’s it till the next post 😉

Weird things i do when i am alone

You might want to read this before you proceed 😊🤗

  1. The first thing i do whenever i am left alone is to take off my clothes and just walk around naked. It is liberating, the highest form of independence. If its not possible to take off my clothes i take off something, one item of clothing a hat, a shoe…something!
  2. I examine my boobs for cancer or in other words i feel myself up. At times it doesn’t end there, i examine other parts of my anatomy too 🤔
  3. I speak to myself while in the loo. A full blown dialogue of situations, create scenarios that have never happened and are not even remotely affiliated with anything i may have seen or heard. I could be writing scripts in the bathroom and be next Shonda, i am really sitting on a talent.
  4. I sniff myself to sleep. My shower gel is to blame for this, i be just lying there smelling like fresh angel tears, forbiden fruits and paradise and i can’t help but sniff myself after every 3 seconds and take a small nibble at me at times. Yea i deserve nice things, do not look at me like that!
  5. I don’t answer the door, i sit still and pretend i am not home  because peopling is taxing.
  6. I dance in the mirror and do full blown karaokes, in other words i turn up!! Sing out loud till my voice quivers and let out my crazy-should-never-be-seen dances and sometimes records them.
  7. Open the fridge a thousand times and hope my fave food just magically appears
  8. My hands are always in my panties or on my boob, they are my safe places + they are comfortable. I do remember to wash my hands tho whenever i become aware of what i am doing (sometimes)

Well thats probably it for now, i am sure there is more stuff that i have just forgotten these can’t be the only other grossly weird habits i have. Will update when i think of my extra solo habits!
P.S Feel free to drop your own weird habits in the comment section this is a safe place